What Comes Naturally?

Last Sunday Peanut started attending music therapy again.  I had put her in this class when she was younger, but for many reason’s decided to take a break.  This class was put together by one of the mom’s in our area who has a daughter with Down syndrome.  Her daughter is a year older than Peanut.  All the children in the class have Down syndrome and are between the ages of 4-8. 

Two of the children that are in the class are the same age as Peanut, but have not turned 5 yet.  One turns 5 this month and the other turns 5 in April.  I’ve known the latter’s family since she was first born. 

I know we should not compare our children, regardless of disabilities, but it is natural to see difference and have them raise questions.  The other children, we’ll call them Jeremy and Abigail, are much taller than Peanut.  More the size of a 5 year old where Peanut is still the size of a 3 year old.  They both speak very well.  Abigail’s vocabulary is not only vast but clear and articulate.  During class, I do not know how they behaved, but I have a feeling they needed less redirection than Peanut.  True, they were in class last session, but Peanut attends preschool and knows the rules of “group time".  In just observing these three children, Abigail and Jeremy seem more “mature” for lack of a better word.

All this has raised some questions in my mind.  In addition, Peanut will be going through a full evaluation at school this month including psych and IQ tests in preparation and placement into Kindergarten.  I’m wondering if Peanut is where she is naturally or if somehow, I have failed her. 

I’ve always been a mom that believes in letting things develop naturally.  Sure I try to ask colors and numbers, etc. at home, but I do this during other day to day activities, not during a set “study time.”  For the most part I leave this education to the schools and stick with life skills at home.  I don’t read a lot to my kids and really Peanut is still in a stage of flipping the page before I can finish reading it.  I find this frustrating and don’t enjoy the struggle.  Other moms talk about all the homework they do with their children.  The reviewing and testing.  I let the kids do homework on their own.  I’m available for questions and may look at it for neatness and glaring mistakes, but for the most part, I let it stand on its own merit and get the grade it gets.  I never study spelling words with Diva, but she does well without it.  It was always a struggle and fight working with Michelangelo on spelling words and I have no desire to do that again if I can avoid it. 

So with Peanut, I do the same.  In day to day activities I ask her about colors.  If I’m playing with her I try to remember to have her count, but I forget a lot.  When we play on the chalkboard or paint I work with her on how to hold the writing utensil and see if she can imitate letters in her name or stick figures, but I do not set out “study time.”

Then there’s her speech and size.  Try as I might, it is hard to see her as a 5 year old.  I’m constantly reminding myself she is 5.  I think we naturally expect more from a child who we can have a conversation with because they verbally tell us what they understand. 

As for size; I’ve often thought how difficult it is for the kid who is big for his age.  Because a 4 year old looks like a 6 year old, people expect him to act like a 6 year old.  But, when he acts like a 4 year old we are shocked and even put out a little.  It’s not fair to the kid that he’s bigger.  His brain and experience is still that of a 4 year old.  The same, I think goes for Peanut but in the opposite. 

I wonder if she is learning on her time, maturing at her speed, interacting with others on her terms or if I somehow, have added to her disabilities.  Could I have done more?  Should I expect more?  Or would she still be at this level even if I had done things differently?  Is this just her natural level of development?

In the end, it doesn’t really matter.  I love her regardless and I know I could not have done things differently.  It’s just not who I am.   But, it does make you think.

Out of the Fog

You’ve most likely seen those commercials for clinical depression.  Usually the person suffering from depression (or more likely an actor) describes the symptoms.  I don’t, by any means suffer from depression, but Friday night and Saturday morning I feel I had a pretty good idea what they were talking about.  All I wanted to do was lay on the couch or go back to the bed.  I had a bottle of wine I would have given anything to curl up with to escape and sleep the day away.  I rarely feel this way, but it was a little scary.  The only thing that kept me going was my kids.  I knew they needed me.  So, although I wasn’t the best mom during those hours, I made sure they were fed, clean and even played with them a little.  Crafts, however were out of the questions.  I just didn’t have the energy for it.

Finally, around 2:00 p.m. on Saturday I pulled myself out of it.  I took a long hot shower and put on some makeup.  It’s amazing how something so simple can make you feel so good.  I felt human again.  I managed to send a couple emails that I couldn’t deal with earlier that day.  Then I loaded the girls up and went down to visit my mom.

Today, even without a lot of sleep last night, I feel so much better.  Yesterday seems like a dream.  Like I was in a fog and now it has been lifted.  My head is clear.  I let Diva help me make breakfast and now the girls are painting with watercolors.  I’m excited to face the day and considering venturing out with the girls.  Something I do all the time but seemed like an impossible chore just a few short hours ago. 

My heart goes out to those who truly suffer from depression.  I know a shower is not going to drag them out of the fog, but I pray they will find the strength to get the help they need.  Life is so worth it.

In a Funk

Yesterday hubby had to go out of town for a weekend meeting.  This isn’t uncommon and although I do not relish being a single mom for a few days, it doesn’t normally bug me much.  But not this time. 

Last night I came home from work and wanted to just curl up on the couch and speed time along till bedtime.  But I powered through, made dinner and then talked Diva into watching a movie so we didn’t have to do crafts or anything too exertive.  I figured part of my problem was that it was night time.  I am not a night person.  I’m one of those crazy people that prefer mornings.  I had a good night’s sleep and even slept in till 7:00.  Yes, this is sleeping in for me.  I told you, I’m a morning person.

Today as I looked around the house and thought of the driveway needing to be shoveled, the trash cans that had to be brought in from the curve, the kitchen full of dirty dishes from dinner last night,  the mess all over the house and two young kids that were demanding breakfast of all things (how dare they) I just wanted to go back to bed.  Then Peanut came down wet.  Some days we’re up, some days we’re down and this weekend, with me struggling already, the potty training is getting frustrating.

I made breakfast (pancakes) and yelled at Peanut for spilling her milk and Diva for something else similarly minor.  Counted to 20 and tried again.  I gave the girls showers and we headed outside.  Me to shovel the driveway while Peanut “helped” and Diva to sell Major Saver cards for her school fundraiser.  Don’t get me started on that!  She hit the neighbors on our street then came to play with Peanut.  We stayed out in the snow for over an hour before heading in for lunch.  Yet, what I really want to do is crawl back in bed … again.  

I keep thinking, “One thing at a time.”  Tick off item by item and get through the day.  Hubby will be home tomorrow evening. 

What the heck is wrong with me? All I can figure is this time hubby took the teen with him.  It’s great that they get to spend some time together, but it’s just me and the younger two this weekend.  They are a little more work than the teen and especially without any help. 

It’s times like this when you learn to really appreciate what you have and all those wants seem so petty.

Progress?

We are quickly approaching one month of potty training in this house.  We’ve made some progress in a lot of areas, but we are not completely potty trained.  During the day, Peanut doesn’t have a lot of accidents, but part of that is due to design.  I make sure she goes to the bathroom on occasion or at natural transitions: before going out to play; getting in the car; eating; etc.  Sometimes she goes, sometimes not.  Either way, I praise her for going.  Once in a while, Peanut will let me know she has to go and we get to the bathroom.  Like all kids, this is usually when we are in public, which is great.  Who wants to mess with dirty clothes in public?

However, when left to her own it is not uncommon for her to have an accident.  The kicker is, I don’t know about these accidents until I see her in a new pair of pants.  When Peanut wets herself, she goes to the bathroom, sits on the toilet (sometimes she poops), puts her dirty clothes in the laundry and puts on a new pair of underwear and  pants.  Last night it appears she even pooped in her pants, but she cleaned it all up and flushed it away.  The only evidence remaining was one small nugget in the playroom and the track marks in her underwear. 

I love that she’s cleaning up after herself.  I love that she recognizes her clothes are dirty and she shouldn’t run around in them and needs to change.  But, does she get that she should get to the bathroom or has she decided she can just do it in her pants and clean up?  Hmmm, not sure this is the solution I was really shooting for.  I know one day she’ll get tired of that extra step and realize it’s just easier to get to the bathroom.  Until then, I guess I’ll take what I can get.

Bullets and Hiccups

Annual check ups for a child with Down syndrome comes with a little extra excitement.  In addition to the normal screenings like urine; the finger prick; and vaccinations, you get to endure blood draws that no tiny person should ever have to endure. 

This year Peanut got 4 vaccinations.  Two for kindergarten, 1 for the seasonal flu and 1 for the second dose of H1N1. After the shots, we headed up one floor for the blood draw. As I held Peanut on my lap, two lab techs (one held her arm, while the other drew the blood) drew two tubes of blood from her tiny arm.  I held down her other arm and covered her eyes (I figure maybe she shouldn’t watch) and cried along with her.  But she’s a trooper and when it was all over, she ran off to push the elevator button.  There are three main tests they run with this blood draw: 1) Blood count for leukemia; 2) thyroid level; 3) celiac levels.  I usually get a call in a couple days from the nurse telling me all is ok.

Last year when the nurse called with the results she left a message instead of just saying all was ok.  I freaked out because in the past she just left a message.  When I tried to call back, it was lunch time. That was the longest 30 minutes of my life.  When I spoke with the nurse, she said she couldn’t leave a message on an answering machine that did not have the family name on it.  We just had the standard recording the machine came with.  This year I made sure I changed the recording.

Thursday I got a message from the doctor’s office but the doctor had called instead of the nurse and said they had some results but not all so she would call again when she had the results.  The doctor never calls personally.  I got that funny feeling so I called back right away. 

When the doctor got on the phone the first thing she told me was the blood count was good.  Phew!  Dodged that bullet.  However, her thyroid results indicated she has developed hyperthyroid.  Not surprising for an individual with Down syndrome, but I was hoping to avoid that bullet for a few more years.  I did freak out a little with this news and had a mini breakdown, but Peanut takes her medicine like a champ and after just 5 days of dealing with it, I’ve come to terms with this little hiccup on the road.

The doctor did not have all the results for the the celiac test, however.  The one result she did have was elevated and last year it was normal.  Until she had all the results, she couldn’t tell me if there was a problem.  Because my doctor works part time does not work Fridays, I would have to wait till Monday to get those results.  I fretted all day Friday and the entire weekend about whether Peanut had developed celiac disease.  If she did, she (and the rest of the family) would have to go on a gluten free diet. Sunday night I was really stressing out thinking of all the things she loves that she wouldn’t be able to eat again and selfishly, all the extra work this would require on my part.

Monday, I had to take Peanut in for some more blood work so I dropped by the pediatrician’s office to see if I could see the doctor.  Unfortunately, although my doctor works on Mondays, she was not at work yesterday.  One more day of waiting.  Hubby and I had pretty much decided the results were not good.  I started doing a little research on gluten free diets.  Those that are on these diets will tell you that it is an adjustment, but after a while, it becomes second nature.  Still, it is not easy and I did not want to go down that road.

Today we got the results.  The rests of her tests were negative so we are in the clear.  At least for now.  There’s no guarantee she won’t develop it in the future, but for now, we are still a gluten family.  I can’t begin to tell you how relieved we all are.  Another bullet dodged.