Then It Hits You

The other day I watched my neighbor’s kids. My neighbor graciously brings Diva home every day after Kindergarten and this is one of the only ways I can repay her. She has two children; a daughter, Diva’s age, we’ll call her Holly; and a boy who will be 3 in May; we’ll call him Jacob. They’re sweet kids. They play well with each other and it sometimes makes me wonder why my kids don’t play as well with their siblings. Thankfully, there came a time when Holly started bossing Jacob a little too much and taking over his toy and I thought, yep, they’re siblings, mine aren’t so bad after all.

Anyway, like I said, her children are basically the same age as Diva and Peanut with about the same age difference. When you run a daycare with infants no older than 18 months, you don’t always notice your child’s developmental delays. Sure Peanut doesn’t talk and that is a huge red herring, but other things are subtle. She walks, she plays, she watches television and she interacts with her sisters, her dad and I.

In the morning the children went outside in the backyard to play. Peanut was right there with them playing on the swing set and sliding down the slide. She can climb the ladder to the slide without assistance. Lunch time came and I fed all the kids the same food. Peanut sat at the table with her little friend, Princess (she also has Down syndrome), while Diva, Holly and Jacob sat at the Little Tyke picnic table. Lunch is a crazy time around here and with eight kids (mine didn’t have school that day) you don’t get much time to observe. You just feed, refill plates, wash hands and clean up.

After I got the kitchen clean, it was time to change diapers and put the kids down for naps. Peanut still naps, but Jacob does not. MA, Diva, Holly and Jacob played quietly during naptime and then had an early snack.

By this time it was about 3:00. The 6 month old woke up and needed his bottle. I sent MA up to get Peanut and give her a snack. That’s when it hit me. It was like someone took a spotlight and shone it on my child. Like alarms were going off in my head and someone with a bullhorn was yelling “YOUR CHILD IS DIFFERENT!”

Diva, Holly and Jacob were in the playroom playing Red Light, Green Light. Jacob was playing along quite well, basically understanding the rules. Earlier during snack he told me he wanted more popcorn, WITH WORDS! He came in the kitchen while Peanut was having her snack and wanted to know what “the baby” was eating. BABY! SHE’S OLDER THAN YOU BY 5 MONTHS! I wanted to scream.

When you have a child with special needs, your life changes. Once you get over the initial shock, you’re life gets relatively back to normal. You go about raising your children as best you can, making sure they get the help they need. You go days, sometimes weeks without thinking about the fact your child is different; that she’s not doing the same things other children her age are doing and you are ok with this. You love your child and you don’t care about her differences. However, sometimes, out of the blue, when you are least expecting it, you are hit in the face with it. It’s times like this that you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. Sure, you know there are others out there dealing with more difficult situations, but it doesn’t matter right then. You are sad and frustrated and tired of it all.

Then, almost as quickly as it happened, it all melts away and everything is ok. You look at your precious child and see all the things she CAN do; the joy she brings to your life, and none of those differences matter anymore.