Friendship - Part 2

This is a five part series on helping your child with Down syndrome develop friendships in school. It is based on a seminar given by a mother of a 5th grade child with Down syndrome. These are a summary of practices she has used to help her child be accepted in school. If you missed the first installment of this series, please visit here to catch up.

We have established that making true friends is not an easy task for most of us. However, most adults and children have the social knowledge to make friends that will stick by them in times of need.

I mentioned my friend who I had dinner with recently. I met RJ my first year of college. This was a difficult year for me. Although I knew my roommate because we had worked together at our home McDonalds, we did not really get along. I was struggling in my calculus class and not sure if I would make it through college. I made friends with a girl in this class who also lived on my floor. My roommate quickly encroached on this friendship. Eventually I met RJ through Calculus girl. We gradually formed a friendship of five that lasted through the school year. Three of the girls lived in the same town so my roommate and I made a few trips over the summer to visit. The structure of this friendship was tumultuous at times with Calculus girl and Roommate struggling for control. Calculus girl’s roommate was a follower and although sweet, did whatever Calculus girl told her. It all seemed to work till the end of the summer and beginning of the next school year when things began to fall apart. I’ll share more of this story next week.

Like my college friendships, the beginning of a friendship is innocent and fun. But as time goes on and we let down our guard we have to learn to accept others, faults and all or choose to move on. For a person with Down syndrome, it is sometimes difficult to even begin the process. Others may not know how to begin the friendship with your child and you may need to step in to help.

Last week’s suggestion was to volunteer in your child’s classroom so you can get to know the other students. Once you have gotten to know the students, you will get to see who interacts well with your child. Now you need to see how the children interact in a more social setting. Talk to your child’s teacher and principal about setting up a “Lunch Bunch.” Every month (or whatever works for your schedule) have your child choose a couple of classmates (no more than 5) to have lunch with. If possible have the lunch in a classroom or area that is away from the noisy cafeteria. Bring in some of your child’s favorite foods for lunch and don’t forget a snack! This will allow your child to have time to talk with the other children in a more social setting. You can observe this interaction and identify areas you might want to work on with your child. This will help your child at lunchtime when you are not present. By allowing your child to choose who will attend, it will encourage other children to get to know your child. Make sure all the children are included eventually.


Tune in next week for more ideas to help your child build strong friendships.