Massage Phobia

I recently received a very nice thank you card with a gift certificate for a massage from one of my previous clients. I am excited about this gift and looking forward to using it. However, I have some slight misgivings about the gift. If your previous experience with massages was like mine, you may feel the same way.

When I was in my early 20's I worked for a law firm and the owner was quite the egomaniac. He had the corner office with his own bathroom complete with shower in case he worked all night (HA!) On one wall was a large painting with his acrobatic airplane and castle (yes, castle) in the distance and a big picture of his head up front with his signature cigar in his mouth. The guy liked himself. He was too busy and important to do menial things like get a manicure so he had the manicurist come to him. He also had a massage therapist who was, shall we say, a little odd. The massage therapist talked the owner into paying for massages for the staff. He agreed, so after business hours, if you were so inclined, you could receive a massage.

Massages were given in his office. If you've never had a massage before, you are supposed to be completely naked. His office had the restroom to strip in and you could get on the table and cover yourself before she came in. The atmosphere was not ideal with a big mug of the owner staring at you. However, the therapist did a good job of "sheeting" so you were never exposed.

For the most part, I declined the massage. I had no desire to have my neck popped and she was known for doing this. On occasion I would get a foot massage. A couple times I did accept the massage and the first time it was quite relaxing. However, after that, she started using these stones she was training with and decided I had back problems even though I didn't know it. She had me lay on these stones and it was very painful. My back started to hurt AFTER her treatments. On one occasion she did pop my neck and I was not happy about that. She also insisted on performing acupuncture which I was highly opposed to and got mad at me when I complained it hurt.

All this could be chalked up to poor environment, my inability to speak up for myself and lack of faith in her abilities. However, one particular experience has scarred me, I fear, for life. During a massage she informed me that she used to have breasts as small as mine (gosh, thanks) but she had a breast augmentation and after performing acupuncture on the scars they were as soft as natural breasts. "Here, feel!" "Uh, no thanks." "No, really, touch them."

Hmm, I'm laying naked on a massage table, covered only by a small sheet, with an egotistical dirty old man's portrait staring at me and she wants me to feel her breasts! (After she insulted me.) She was not going to drop it so I took my index finger and poked her a couple times on the side of her boob. "Very nice."

How do you completely relax during a massage when this image is permanently burned into your brain?