Do you ever sit around and think about forever or the hereafter? It can boggle your mind. What about God? These are two concepts that can be really confusing if you dwell on them. Kind of like the infinity of numbers or Pi. It can even be a little disturbing or maybe even scary, but as an adult, we have usually come to terms with these issues and don't spend a lot of time worrying about "Forever". There's really nothing we can do about it.
Recently, my daughter had trouble with these issues, though. What if there isn't a God? Even if there is, what will "Forever" be like in Heaven? The questions seemed simple enough to me. But explaining it to her proved difficult. Like any parent, I shared my beliefs and thought that was that. I couldn't have been more wrong.
Over the next several weeks she continued to worry about "Forever". At first I was patient and understanding. I shared, I listened, then, I got frustrated. Several times a day the issue came up. She would sit in her room and cry about it. I was starting to lose patience with her. In my mind, this was not a big deal and she was making a mountain out of a molehill.
This was my inspiration for my Root & Sprout article Depression, or Normal Teenage Angst? (click to read). I was really getting worried about her, but also at my wits end on how to deal with her. Maybe I wasn't alone. I quickly discovered, I'm not ... and neither is she. According to The Teen Doc, most teens feel alone at times and every issue, no matter how small, can be a huge matter to them.
Although this was a relief to learn, I realized I had made some big mistakes in dealing with her. My frustration was shown by rolling of the eyes, expelling of huffy breaths and even yelling at her to snap out of it. My actions told my daughter something I didn't really mean to, "Don't keep bugging me about this, I don't care." Things have been much better lately, but she recently had occasion to be concerned about "Forever". I was sad when she told me she needed dad because he helped her work through it better, but dad wasn't home. So, we worked through it together. I used some of the tips I learned from the article to talk to her and listen to her. I kept my impatience and frustration to myself (for the most part) and in the end, I think (and hope) I helped her.
One final thing I learned is when your teenager starts driving you crazy (and believe me, she/he will!) you smile and listen, then you call your friend and scream. So girlfriends, let me tell you SHE'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!! Maybe I should be worried about "Forever" after all.
10 comments:
debbie, you want to know one of the reasons i love you so much is that you talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly...and you make a plan for making it better. you are awesome!
we all do this debbie...whether it be a teenager or an almost 5 year old who just won't stop asking the same question over and over and over again. good for you for being so honest. you continue to challenge me to be a better mom. thank you.
have a wonderful day!
kate
I hear you! The constant worrying can be very trying. I just want to shout "snap out of it!" But I don't. Like you I take a very deep breath and keep listening.
Thanks for the link to the Teen Doctor. I'm sure this will come in handy.
Great recap on your article (which I am over to read now that I have done the first half of the day's household routines!
And, way to share. I need to keep this in mind with my 13 year-old-brother. He'll bring up stuff and I dismiss it as childhood things I am not interested in. Kinda phewy on my part, I see now, because they are of interest to him.
;-) Happy Monday!
On a somewhat lighter note but in the same vein of kids harping on one subject, Hannah has been on this kick (for weeks now) where every other sentence that comes out of her mouth is, "Look at how cute the cats are! Aren't they cute? Don't you just love them so much? Aren't you so glad we have them? Don't you just want to hold them and love them all the time?" And it goes on and on and on. Every.Single.Day.
Yes, it's driving me crazy! But as soon as I roll my eyes or huff or look like I'm not enthused the 100th time she says it, I can see how much I've hurt her. So much of parenting are those grin-and-bear-it moments.
If it helps, I spent three years living in a Catholic Seminary and I still find hard to explain what's God, even to myself.
As I sit here with my teenager, I can attest that to be SOOOOOooooooo true! But I am sure it is worse with teenage girls.
@ Kate,
If we can't learn from our mistakes, then we are really only hurting ourselves and if someone else can learn from my mistakes, too, then it makes it a little more worth it. If that makes sense.
@terena,
The Teen Doctor has great stuff, doesn't she? I even showed the "for teens" section to my daughter.
@FW
A 13 year old brother? Now THAT boggles my mind! Although, sometimes I feel like one of mine never outgrew 13, LOL!
@Lis,
I believe that would start to drive me crazy. But then, I get frustrated sometimes when Diva tells me she loves me over and over and over and ... How sad is that? Is there such a thing as overkill?
@Miguel,
I think studying God for 3 years might actually confuse me more in some ways!
deb raseing a teenager is hard . I sould know since I am one, hugs
Oh my, the last line of the post had me cracking up! You are a wonderful mom!!
You are a good mom. She is lucky to have you. Thanks for understanding that article. Theteendoc
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