A Novice Guide to the Catholic Mass

As a cradle Catholic, I never had occasion to visit a protestant church until after I met my husband. I've often heard people complain that the Catholic Mass is so confusing.  I would disagree.  My husband is protestant and I've been to a few services with his family.  Every service can be set up different, even in the same denomination.  With the Catholic Mass, you can go to any Church in the United States (and possibly the world, although I've not had the opportunity to test this) and know what to expect.

For the novice, the Catholic Mass may be intimidating. Everyone seems to know what they are doing and you are left standing on the sidelines, fumbling to keep up. Have no fear; I'm here to help.  With these few simple pointers, you, too, can look like a pro.  

Parking:  This may seem trivial, but a true Catholic always backs into his parking space.  This allows for the quick getaway after Mass.  We come, we pray, we get the heck out of there!  If you pull in like a protestant, you'll have to wait for the graces of others and may be stuck till the parking lot clears.  As a result, my husband may be a better driver overall but he can't back into a parking spot.  I can, even under pressure.

Routine:  The important thing to remember about Mass, is it's been basically performed in the same manner for centuries.  There was that small matter of Vatican II in the mid 1960's where they turned the priest around and stopped saying Mass in Latin, but even then the basics remained the same.  It's all routine and wherever you go, you can count on the readings being first, then the sermon and finally the Eucharist. 

Stand Up. Sit Down. Kneel:  It may seem that we do this willy nilly, but not so.  If you check the missalette (book) you'll find we have cues of when to sit, stand and kneel.  This section can be hard to find, however, even for the the experienced Catholic.  You're best bet is to just follow everyone else's lead.  For the most part, we stand when the priest comes in; sit for the first readings (1st reading from the old testament; responsorial psalm; 2nd reading from the new testament) and stand for the Gospel.  Always in this order.  The second half of Mass has all the kneeling with a few areas where we stand up.  We rarely sit in the second half of Mass.

A special note on kneeling; this is not for the weak at heart (or knees.)  You can kneel for up to 15 minutes at a time depending on the size of the church and communion line.  However, most non-Catholics don't kneel.  They just sit during these times.  The Catholics would really appreciate it if you sit forward a little in your pew, though.  It's hard enough to kneel when you have the back of the seat in front of you to rest your arms on.  If someone is sitting all the way back it's hard to keep your balance.  Trust me, the Catholic behind you will thank you.

Hominy/Homily: I always have to think before I say this one.  Hominy is corn soaked in lye that, although tasty, has absolutely no nutritional value.  Homily is the sermon or part where the priest blabs and blabs.  This is right after the Gospel.  You sit for the Homily and then when it's over, you'll stand for the Nicene Creed.  It's similar to the Apostle's Creed but longer.

The Lord's Prayer:  If you remember nothing else, remember this piece of advice.  Catholics say it different!  I think we do this just to mess with you.  It's the one time that you think "Hey, I know this prayer." and then we throw you a curve ball. We stop after "deliver us from evil."  I can't tell you how many protestant friends I've taken to Mass with me and heard them keep going only to pause mid-sentence in embarrassment.   If you think we're leaving some of it out, never fear, we just stop to have the priest say a little prayer and then finish with the rest of it.  (But if we say it at home or on our own, we stop at evil.) 

Communion: Yes.  It's true.  If you are not Catholic it is frowned upon to receive communion at our Church.  I won't get into all the "legalities" of it, but if you choose to go, you're on your own.  No one thinks twice of you simply staying behind and letting others go to communion.  Even Catholics choose not to go on occasion for one reason or another.

Now you have the basics.  The next time you find yourself attending a Catholic Mass for a wedding, funeral or just with a friend, keep these pointers in mind and no one will be the wiser that you're completely lost.

*******

This post is my entry for the group writing project at Confident Writing.  The them this month is possibilities and the challenge was to write something outside of your comfort zone.  I try to avoid writing anything too controversial and as a result, I avoid the subjects of politics and religion.  These are areas that create a lot of passion and opinions in others and can often lead to hurt feelings even between the closest of friends or family.  I've thought of writing something like this for months, but avoided it since it breaks one of my cardinal blogging rules.  I'm not sure Joanna will agree I've broken outside of my comfort zone, but I am nervous to see how this Handbook will be received by both my fellow Catholics and others.  (Sorry Joanna, the sizzling romantic fiction is in there somewhere, but I haven't been able to find it yet!)

If you'd like to participate in Mission Im(Possible), drop by Confident Writing for the details.  Entries are due by August 21.