Tried and True

When I was in fifth grade, the school started a new reading program.  For each grade we were placed into a reading group based on our reading ability.  We spent half our day in that group working on reading, spelling and writing.   During the creative writing portion of the class I discovered a flare for writing.  I looked forward to that part of class every day.  Where some would struggle to write a couple sentences, I would write pages and pages.  My teacher took notice and recommended me for the GATS (Gifted and Talented Students) program.  This meant a lot to me because although I did not struggle in school, I was never an exceptional student.  It was then that my dream of becoming a writer was born.

In fifth grade, you don't really know what you want to be in life.  You go with what you know.  In addition to wanting to be a writer, I wanted to be a nurse.  My mom was a nurse, so it seemed like a good choice.  However, I discovered early on that blood made be queasy and the thought of assisting in a surgery makes me downright nauseous!

Through high school and the beginning of college I had other career ideas: A truck driver (I grew up in the era of Smokey and The Bandit); a mechanic (I love to fix things); and a teacher (secondary education and a math teacher, no less!).  One by one, I discovered these career choices were not for me. 

I hate driving long distances.  Driving across country in a big rig day after day, week after week, month after month, is not the life for me!  Cars are not the same as when my dad was growing up and tinkering on them in the driveway.  They are more computer than pistons these days and unless you have the proper knowledge and equipment, you can't just pop the hood and fix what's wrong.  Sure I could still work at a shop, but I never really had the courage to take all those courses with a bunch of guys who would look down at me.  As for teaching, the problems are multiple.  First, I stink at math.  Even though I was able to take the highest courses offered in high school, most of that can be attributed to my teacher.  She was excellent. Today I struggle with basic math concepts.  Second, kids, particularly tweens and teens, irritate the heck out of me! 

Over the years, however, my dream to be a writer remained.  It sat in the back of my mind waiting for me to pursue.  For a short time in high school I considered journalism, but quickly disregarded it.  Then, not quite 2 years ago I started this blog.  It was a place to pursue a writing career; give me adult contact when I was stuck at home running a daycare; and a possible way to make an income.

I have worked hard on my blog and did my best to market myself to the world.  At times, my family has suffered neglect in my quest to become a writer.  But, this weekend, I finally came to terms with something I had been struggling with for a long time now. 

When you hold on to a dream for over 30 years and never really pursue the possibilities, it can be hard to discover the truth.  It's hard to let go without feeling like a failure.  I realized, however, that this is not what I want anymore.  It was a childhood dream, and although a good one, not realistic for me.  It is time to give up the dream and move on with my life.

I know I am making the right decision, because when I finally accepted it, a sense of peace and freedom came over me.  I do not feel like a failure.  

This will be my last post here at Three Weddings.  I have tried my hand at the literary world and it is now time to be true to myself and my family. 

I do plan to keep my Twitter and Facebook accounts.  I enjoy the friendships I have made on this journey and hope to keep in touch.  As for my blog, for now, I will leave it here.  I may change my mind (although I doubt it) and although I'm ready to move on, I'm not ready to completely pull the plug.